Do You Crave Empowerment?

What does the word “Empowerment” mean to you? Do you feel empowered to be authentic to yourself... or does the daily routine and toil sometimes mean that you lose sight of yourself? Does life in fact, make you feel disempowered? Well there’s a sobering thought, right?

The word empowering can make some people hesitate slightly. The idea of self power can make some uneasy, and yet, as scientists or healers alike will attest to, as energy beings we are all powerful.

 There’s the power of our focus and the power of our intention.

There’s the power of love for that matter.

 Whether we like the idea of being powerful, or if it makes us feel like we are overstepping our boundaries, there is no doubt that we all have an inner fire, a powerful generator of energy force that radiates as ourselves, and that fire sometimes needs to be fueled. To me, that’s what empowerment means; to fuel the fire of our inner selves, in order for it to radiate out stronger and more authentically.

Empowerment allows us to show up as ourselves, to not waiver in our sense of who we are, but to trust that inner guidance that carries us through. It’s an exhilarating thing to help parents feel empowered to show up as themselves each day. Someone just asked me what my favorite part of my work is, and that’s what I told them; the relief in a client’s voice when they get the feeling of what it’s really like to show up to their family as themselves. When the penny, and the “should” version of them, drops. Ohhhh... it gives me shivers of spiritual connection.

A few months ago I was asked to be part of a Women Empowerment Summit with Heather Devore and the summit starts on the November 7th. Twenty-five other experts and I will be discussing women, empowerment techniques and the question “What keeps us small?”

 Small. Oh. That’s another sobering thought, isn’t it?

I loved taking part in this interview and I loved this question. We can assume that we keep ourselves small because we accidently get swept up in a perception of ourselves that doesn’t match the truest version. We can get distracted with the idea of what we “should” be and keep ourselves small in order to avoid what we “dream” to be. We can keep ourselves small because, as I mentioned, we can fear the concept of what power is. We can actually be afraid of our inner nature.

Or we can keep ourselves small because everyone else is doing it, why shouldn’t we? Why should we attempt to reach great heights when it may alienate us from others? Phew.

Well, I really am excited to listen to all the responses to this question in next week free summit and I would really love to see you there as well. There will be a linked Facebook group as well, so you can ask questions and create dialogue... it’s going to be an incredibly insightful experience.

So where do you need to feel empowered? What holds you back from being the greatest version of yourself? Do you keep yourself feeling small or do you shine as a bright light for the world to see each day?

You can sign up for the summit here. It starts November 7^th and I look forward to seeing you there.

The Call for Self Care

Why do we resist feeling better?

Why do we put off our own self care, or our own moment to choose a better feeling thought?

I like to call it an addiction to friction, because, really, often we feel like we just don’t want to take our hand off of that hot stove, we don’t want to feel the relief. Maybe we feel it just isn’t living without that touch of struggle.

We all do it sometimes. We tell ourselves to get off of Facebook and play at the park... and we wait that few minutes later to do it. We feel stress rising and know we should breathe, and almost hold our breath knowing it stresses us more. There’s a drama in the explosion.

Ok, maybe it’s not that bad or that extreme. But there is the little “should’s” The “I should meditate... I just do this first.” I should take time for myself.... but there’s too much to do. I’m needed.” “I should try that quick energy flush, later... I’ll try that thought later.”

We are swarmed with the habits we know we should fix, but yet we don’t. Why?

At a certain point the time comes when it’s now or never. It’s not just the big habits like smoking or dieting that takes that mental YES to shift! It is all those little pulls our spirit gives, the tugs to our heart, those are the YESes we have to Seize and Just Do It. It just takes getting that little nudge of energy behind it. It just takes that push, that jump into the cold shower determination and only for the first couple of times to get into a new habit.

What’s crazy about the self care denial is it doesn’t take much time. It can actually be as simple as a shift in thinking, a casted look to an open sky, or a deep breath to let tension go. We are learning so much about our thoughts and the affect that stress does on our days. We’re continually learning about vibration and how our thoughts emit energy. We are also realizing daily how our energy affects our children. So, self care is important. We know this.

It just takes that little shift to convince ourselves it’s good to feel good; that we’ll be better parents and people by taking that moment to go within. But it’s also the reminding ourselves that the shift is there for the taking. We don’t have to see an emotion go through its cycle like a load in a washing machine. We can interrupt it before it peaks and choose something else.

Yeah. We can. We can just choose to feel differently. We can choose to go for a walk to feel better. We can breathe deep and think of things we love. It’s just reminding ourselves that that power and choice exists.

This week, I started offering a nice, handy 5 step list to Self Care. In it, you will find Self Care tips that really take no time at all, only a moment, a shift in focus or a thought pattern. I want you to know that you can feel relief and can stop and enjoy the journey you are on. I want you to take care of yourself so that you can connect to your darling ones who are growing up each day. I also want them to learn about self care, and what better way than to watch you do it openly, infront of them.
Life is meant to be enjoyed. But in the ever rush moment to moment, sometimes we simply forget. We all get caught up sometimes, in the drama, in the struggle. But when you take that moment of self care, you simply take that step back to a perspective of Who You Really Are, and then you stop, breathe, feel better and let the day unfold in front of you.

You can find my new guide at www.spirituallyawareparenting.com/free-gift.html

The Pursuit of Quality Time

 Over this past year as I’ve been focusing on my business more and more, I have become aware of the concept of “quality time” with my children.

What I’ve learnt though, is that no matter how tempting it is to do big activities to create “quality time” true quality comes with connection, interaction and involvement.

When I ask parents about whether they feel guilty within their parenting experience, most will reply yes and often this surrounds the issue of how much actual time they spend with their children. They fall into the trap of over compensating, working extra hard to afford expensive trips, outings or treats. The pull for “quality time” often falls into “quantity time” as parents rustle any spare hour they can find and arrange some event with their children. It’s at the core of the supermom/dad epidemic, as we are convinced our children will be damaged for life if we aren’t forever in their eyeline.

I love spending time with my children. Living day to day with my family is the reason why we homeschool as well as why I work from home. We enjoy each other’s company in every moment and I’m always silently thrilled each time our children talk about how they will always live at home and that we will have to move close to any university they decide to attend. I love travelling with them, taking them to a movie or out to dinner at Ikea. I love shopping with them or even going to a playground. However, what niggles me when I get too involved in one project isn’t the actual time I spend with my family, it’s the quality of it that I have to be consciously aware of.

I feel fulfilled, aligned with everything I am and want to be, when my son and I sit laughing together in his bed, really talking and connecting. I feel the same connection, each night, when  my girls and I watch Gilmore Girls on Netflix and give manicures. Those are the times that I feel present and focused. Those are the times when life sinks into a space of being lived.

We live in a time of smartphones, facebook and multi-tasking. Our attention and focus is split in a million directions, scattered for thinking half-thought thoughts. But when our children get in the middle of that, that’s when they feel neglected. It really has nothing to do with outings and money spent on them.

Eye to eye contact, really hearing their dreams and desires, discussing their questions and listening to their opinions, with no difference than we would a friend, that is the quality time I relish in with my children, and yet that is often what I resist if I’m not careful. With to-do lists mounting, sometimes the true attention goes by so quickly and I try to do too much at once.

Now saying that there is another balancing act. It can be easy to fall into the guilt trap if that sort of attention isn’t constant as well. It’s not a question of listening to each long, drawn out dream or story, only to be stressing about getting done what needs to be done. It’s also not the act of self sacrifice so many parents can fall into, where our children’s stories are put above our own.

I have my own business. I coach, I teach, I write. But my children, who at 14,13 and 7 have good ideas of who they are and how to play, have their own lives as well. They read, they play, they are busy in their own worlds. Sometimes, when I feel I’ve been working too hard, I go to “spend time” with them, only to find that I am intruding on their own focus, their own intention and I quietly go back to my world of wonder as well.

We are individual people, in each family, eager to enjoy the wonders and fruits of the world in front of us. It may feel like we are supposed to put life on hold for our children, but that is not the case. Our children want to see us in the fullness of ourselves, and being passionate about what we do and are. That’s what we want for our children as well. We have no wish to have shadows, having our children following us around waiting for our every word or wish.

It is in the ability of focus, the ability to listen with our hearts, eyes and ears, the inner knowing to drop everything because we are needed, the shared laugh over lunch, the smiles in passing, the connections a bedtime. Quality time, has, in fact, nothing to do with TIME, in quantified measurement, rather quality time means quality of life. A life that sparkles and dances when we and our children are in a room together, that is what creates a happy, stable childhood and home.

A new Thanksgiving Tradition

This past Sunday was the Canadian Thanksgiving...

I always talk about Thanksgiving and how it’s my favorite holiday in theory. What a wonderful idea, right? A holiday dedicated to appreciation and a feeling of thankfulness for what we have. It’s a great philosophy and one that should be ringing out from the ways during the day. But, then you throw in Turkey dinner, the stress of building a meal as per tradition, you throw in different stories and focuses or you try to make it about appreciation and end up wondering how to do it differently than Easter or Christmas... than solstices and nature holidays... what makes Thanksgiving stand out?

I’ve been a parent for 14 years this Wednesday. 14 years. And for 14 years I’ve been looking for a way to bring specialness into each holiday, how to bring spiritual awareness and emotion into each celebration, so it didn’t get overcast with stress and anticipation.

And this year, Thanksgiving was finally created.

It happened quite by accident really. My younger daughter (who’s the party planner by nature) and I were talking and she was making decorations and activities for her and her brother. The usual What am I thankful for stuff.. as well as place mats for dinner. We were talking about how to make it different, more celebratory; especially since her older sister had commented that we never really “do” Thanksgiving. (What a thought, I was horrified... theoretically it was my favorite holiday... and we’d never “done” it.)

And then the thought flowed in.

We decided to write letters and cards to each other, telling each other what we appreciated about each other. For an hour in the afternoon my children and I filled envelopes telling each other how wonderful each other were. It was an incredible feeling space to spend time in, writing down all the wonderful aspects that make them themselves. We decorated them and made them special, letting them light up the table that night.

I wasn’t prepared for the feeling of opening my envelope that evening. I was focused on what I appreciated about each of them, but to read what they appreciated about me; well it made me cry in overwhelming joy.

In my course Spiritual Kids, building foundations for the Spiritual Aware Family, I offer an exercise in the appreciation board; a wipeboard you hang in the kitchen to leave comments on what you appreciate about other people in the house. The idea came from my friend Elizabeth over at www.appreciationboard.com and I fell in love with the idea right away.

But this little ceremony we did on Thanksgiving was a flood of the feeling of appreciation and thankfulness. A perfect new tradition for a perfect holiday.

What followed was a discussion about what we appreciated about other people we knew, other family members, friends and acquaintances. That too was an incredible experience, as we didn’t always pick the easiest names... we didn’t see the people we chose very often or we didn’t know them very well. It stretched our thankfulness muscles... which of course is what Thanksgiving should be for!

A little different than the stereotypical “what are you thankful for?” but as my husband points out, that version of Thanksgiving should happen every day.

But noticing the little things about people you know and bringing them up over a candlelit, fancy dinner while exchanging letters of appreciation with the people you love.... followed by pumpkin pie... now that is a celebration indeed.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Whether it was this past weekend for you or in a month’s time! <3

Wouldn't it be nice.... if?

We all have desires and wishes, for our family and for ourselves.

We all see things we don’t like within our lives, which we get used to complaining or grumbling about on the surface, and yet, stuck in our patterns of homeostasis, we are unwittingly unable to shift to that which we’ve wished for.

 We are told to find the feeling space of the ideal, the vibration of the desired outcome for our children, our home or ourselves, but sometimes that is too big of thing to find. Sometimes it feels too far away to feel it. Sometimes we don’t want to think of it, worried that the “wish” will get pushed away if we focus on it.

When people start learning about the law of attraction they sometimes worry  about every thought and word. They suck them back, scared to let their thoughts settle on anything for more than a second. Or they got caught up in the search for what they Really wanted, closing more options than opening up to them.

Because, although we might have things we don’t like, often we just can’t see our way out of living with them. We are designed for balance, for maintaining that sameness, not too hot, not too cold... just the same.

But we all want to unleash the power of those hidden desires. The ones that just would make life feel better, even if we can’t put our fingers on exactly what they are.

Do you want a little trick to tapping into them?

Try finishing the sentence: Wouldn’t it be nice if.....

Just try. I’ll wait here.

See the interesting thing about finishing off that thought, is that it acts like a door to our imagination and our subconscious. We are literally asking our spirit what do you want?

But without the weight of logically breaking it down, making lists or really committing to it.

We are just asking our spirit, what would you like to experience...

What would be nice for you?

Not, spectacular, not detailed extravaganza. It can be as general as you like, or as specific.

The only rule... it has to feel nice.

Where does the phrase take you?

Wouldn’t it be nice to have everyone play well together? Wouldn’t it be nice if we had more money?

Wouldn’t it be nice if I could offer my children more opportunities? Wouldn’t it be nice to travel?

Wouldn’t it be nice to have more time? Wouldn’t it be nice to go on a date? Wouldn’t it be nice to have more room? Wouldn’t it be nice to find a great school? To homeschool?

Sometimes even starting a phrase with I wish... leaves us with a bad taste in our mouths. It feels like we aren’t appreciating what we already have, it leaves us feeling dissatisfied with our life.

The simple phase of Wouldn’t it be nice, suggests to our lovely friend homestasis that we are playing a game with ourselves so we have a free pass to imagine new changes without trying to shift out of our usual day to day patterns. Instead our imagination lets go and we are taken to places we didn’t really let sink into our plans.

And then we let them go.

Let them go in a good way.

Now, it’s important not to let that little niggling voice in, the one that says “oh how could that happen?”

So, simply reply to it... “I’m just saying it would be nice. Let the universe figure out the hows.”

Because really, that’s the trick isn’t it. We are active components in this life. There are a million ways things can transpire. I mean, I was just hearing  a real life story of someone having a bag of money fall of a truck! It’s about alignment, not plans.

So, even if it’s as simple as having a more organized house, the simple phrase;

Wouldn’t it be nice if the house was more organized?

Acts like a genie as you can focus on what that feels like without effort.

Such a better feeling than...

I wish the house was cleaner.... (sigh)

Or

The house is always disorganized... I’m the one who always cleans up....  (ugh!!!!)

Wouldn’t it be nice if...

 Releases, relaxes and requests.

 And then allows you to see how it unfolds.